Attachment-Based, Relational Therapy for Disordered Eating, Food Guilt, and Feeling at War With Your Body

If food takes up more mental space than you want it to—if eating feels stressful, emotional, out of control, or loaded with rules—there’s a good chance you’ve been carrying this quietly for a long time. You might look “fine” to other people. You might be high-functioning, competent, and reliable in every area of life… while internally feeling exhausted by food thoughts, body checking, shame, or the constant push-pull of “I’m going to get it together” followed by “I can’t stop.”

A lot of my clients don’t come in saying, “I have an eating disorder.” They come in saying, “My relationship with food and my body doesn’t feel peaceful.” That’s enough. You don’t need a diagnosis to deserve support. (This is something you already name clearly on your current eating disorder page: you’re allowed to show up as you are, and you don’t have to justify your experience.)

I’m Marissa Honjiyo, a depth-oriented relational therapist specializing in eating disorders, anxiety, and relationship issues. I work from an attachment and relational lens, and I believe healing happens within relationship. My therapy services are offered in-person in Orange County, CA and virtually across California.

This Can Be What You’re Dealing With (Even If You’ve Never Said It Out Loud)

People often land on this page searching for:

• eating disorder therapist

• disordered eating therapy

• body image therapy

• binge eating therapy

• anorexia therapy / bulimia therapy

• emotional eating therapy

• compulsive exercise / over-exercising anxiety

• orthorexia (obsession with “clean” eating)

• “why do I feel guilty after eating”

• “how to stop thinking about food all the time”

You might recognize yourself in some of these patterns:

• cycles of restriction → overeating/bingeing → shame → “starting over”

• rigid food rules that make you feel safe… until they make you feel trapped

• anxiety eating around others, or a need to control meals and timing

• guilt, self-criticism, or panic after eating

• body checking, comparing, or feeling “at war” with your body

• using food, restriction, or exercise to manage emotions, overwhelm, or numbness

• feeling disconnected from hunger/fullness cues or your body’s signals

If your relationship with food or your body feels heavy, confusing, consuming, or shame-filled, that matters. You don’t have to wait until it’s “bad enough.”

Eating Concerns Are Often About More Than Food

One of the most relieving (and confronting) truths in this work is: disordered eating is rarely just about eating.

For many people, food becomes a tool for coping with deeper emotional experiences—anxiety, perfectionism, trauma, control, self-worth, loneliness, or emotional disconnection. You’ve already named this on your current page: food can become a way to cope, feel safe, numb, or manage feelings that are overwhelming or hard to name.

From an attachment and relational lens, the question becomes:

• What did food/exercise/control start doing for you?

• What does it protect you from feeling?

• What does it protect you from needing?

• What would it mean to let go of the strategy—emotionally, relationally, identity-wise?

This is why “just eat normally” (or “just stop”) tends to backfire. If the behavior is serving a protective function, removing it without addressing what it’s holding can feel like free-falling.

My Approach: Attachment-Based, Relational Eating Disorder Therapy

I’m not here to police your food. I’m not here to hand you a meal plan. And I’m not here to reduce your experience to a checklist.

My work is relational, depth-oriented, and attachment-informed. Over time, we build enough safety to be honest about what’s happening, stay curious rather than critical, and understand the “why” beneath what keeps repeating—so change becomes possible in a lasting way.

Here’s what that often looks like in eating disorder and body image therapy:

We slow down the cycle without shaming you

Instead of treating the behavior like the enemy, we get specific about the pattern: triggers, emotions, sensations, thoughts, relational contexts, and the “after” (shame, relief, numbness, resolve, fear).

We work with the parts of you involved

Most people have competing parts: the part that wants control, the part that wants relief, the part that’s terrified of change, the part that’s tired of living like this, the part that believes worth is something you earn. Therapy gives those parts language—and a new relationship with you.

We explore the attachment roots

Attachment work matters here because eating struggles often intensify when connection feels unsafe: conflict, loneliness, fear of being judged, feeling too much, feeling not enough, feeling out of control in relationship. In therapy, we explore how your early relationships shaped your nervous system’s strategies for safety and worthiness.

We use the therapy relationship as part of the healing

Relational therapy means we pay attention to what shows up between us: what’s hard to admit, what you expect I’ll think, what you minimize, what you fear will make you “too much.” Over time, being met with steadiness and respect—especially around shame—can be a corrective emotional experience. (You name this directly on your page: healing happens through curiosity, safety, and connection.)

We coordinate with a higher level of care when needed

Eating disorders can have serious medical risk. Best practice guidelines emphasize appropriate assessment and, when indicated, coordinated care (often including medical monitoring and nutrition support) alongside psychotherapy.
If you’re medically unstable, actively purging, fainting, or in acute danger, therapy alone may not be the right starting point—and we’ll talk about that candidly.

Evidence-Based Treatment Options

Relational / Attachment-Based Therapy
Many eating disorder patterns are not just about food—they’re shaped by the attachment system: fear of being too much, fear of needing, perfectionism, people-pleasing, shame, and the belief that worth has to be earned. Attachment-based work helps us understand the emotional and relational roots so recovery isn’t just behavioral—it’s internal.

Brainspotting (Trauma-Informed, Nervous System-Based Work)
I’m certified in Brainspotting, a modality that works with the nervous system to help process distress that can feel stuck—especially when you “know” something logically, but your body keeps reacting. Brainspotting can be helpful when eating behaviors are tied to trauma responses, chronic shame, or a felt sense of danger in your body. It isn’t about forcing memories—it’s about supporting your system to process at a pace that feels tolerable and grounded.

If you’ve tried to “outthink” your eating disorder and it hasn’t worked, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It often means your nervous system needs a different kind of support—one that includes both insight and body-based processing, held in a steady therapeutic relationship.

Body Image Therapy That Doesn’t Turn Into Another Project

Body image work isn’t about forcing yourself to love your body overnight. It’s about changing your relationship to your body—especially if your default relationship is criticism, monitoring, avoidance, or control. (You’ve said this well in your blog: it’s not about changing your body, it’s about changing your relationship to it.)

In therapy, body image work often includes:

• noticing when self-criticism shows up (and what it’s protecting)

• separating your worth from your appearance

• learning how to tolerate discomfort without escalating into restriction/bingeing/compensation

• unpacking the roles diet culture, perfectionism, and comparison play in your nervous system

• building attunement: hunger/fullness, emotion/body signals, rest, safety

Who This Work Tends to Fit Best

Eating disorder and body image therapy may be a good fit if you’re:

• high-functioning on the outside, struggling privately with food/body shame

• tired of “starting over” and living under rules

• stuck in cycles of restriction, bingeing, overeating, or compensatory behaviors

• dealing with perfectionism, anxiety, or trauma that feeds the eating pattern

• wanting a therapy relationship that’s direct, respectful, and not shaming

You don’t need to be underweight. You don’t need to be “sick enough.” You don’t need to have it all figured out.

A More Honest Goal Than “Just Stop the Behavior”

A more honest goal is this:
to stop needing the eating disorder to feel safe.

That can look like:

• less mental noise about food and your body

• more flexibility and fewer rules

• fewer shame spirals and less self-criticism

• more ability to feel emotions without defaulting to control or avoidance

• a more trusting relationship with your body (even if it’s imperfect)

• more room for relationships, work, and actual living

Therapy in Orange County + Virtual Eating Disorder Therapy in California

I offer therapy in-person in Orange County, CA and virtually across California, which can make consistency easier if you have a demanding schedule or prefer the privacy and flexibility of telehealth.

If you’ve been holding it together for a long time, therapy can be the place where you don’t have to.

FAQ: Eating Disorder & Body Image Therapy

Do I need a diagnosis to start therapy?

No. If food, eating, or body image feels consuming or distressing, that’s reason enough to get support.

What kinds of eating concerns do you work with?

Disordered eating patterns (restriction, bingeing/overeating, compensatory behaviors), chronic dieting and food guilt, body image distress, perfectionism-driven eating rules, and eating concerns intertwined with anxiety, trauma, and relationship patterns. (If a higher level of care is needed, we’ll talk about it.)

Will you tell me what to eat?

Therapy with me is not nutrition counseling. We focus on the emotional and relational roots, shame reduction, and building a more attuned relationship with your body. If you’d benefit from nutrition support, I can encourage coordination with a dietitian as part of a broader care team.

Is recovery actually possible?

Yes—eating disorder recovery is possible with appropriate support and treatment. The work is rarely linear, but change is real.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of living in the same cycle—if you’re longing for a more peaceful relationship with food and your body—therapy can help. You don’t have to do this alone.

A consultation is a first conversation to clarify what you’re experiencing, what you want help with, and whether this approach feels like a fit. Book a free 15-minute consultation here.