Therapy for Perfectionism, Overthinking & Self-Criticism in Santa Ana, CA
In Santa Ana, CA and virtually across California.
You think things through. Then you think them through again. You replay what you said, question decisions you already made, notice what you could have done better, and spend a lot of time trying to make sure you don’t get something wrong. From the outside, this can look like being thoughtful, responsible, or having high standards. Inside, it can feel like your brain never really lets you off the hook. Maybe you’re tired of second-guessing yourself. Tired of needing to get things right. Tired of accomplishing something and immediately finding the next thing to worry about.
I offer therapy for perfectionism, overthinking, self-criticism, and anxiety in Santa Ana, CA and virtually throughout California.
When being thoughtful turns into overthinking
Thinking ahead is useful. Being able to anticipate problems, consider different perspectives, and make careful decisions may be part of what makes you good at what you do. The problem is when thinking stops helping you decide and starts keeping you stuck.
You may:
Replay conversations long after they’re over
Spend too much time trying to make the “right” decision
Worry about how you came across
Ask other people what they think and still not feel reassured
Have trouble letting something go once it’s bothering you
Imagine every possible way something could go wrong
Understand exactly why you’re anxious and still not know how to stop
If logic alone could fix it, you probably would have figured this out already. Overthinking often feels productive because it gives you the sense that if you can understand something completely, you can prevent the wrong outcome. Unfortunately, certainty is usually the one thing thinking can’t give you.
When high standards become perfectionism
I don’t think high standards are the problem. Caring about your work, wanting to grow, or expecting a lot from yourself can be meaningful parts of who you are. Perfectionism feels different. The stakes start getting too high. A mistake isn’t just a mistake. It becomes evidence that you should have prepared more, known better, or done something differently.
You may notice that:
Good work still feels like it could have been better
You procrastinate when you aren’t sure you can do something well
You compare yourself to people who seem further ahead
You feel uncomfortable being inexperienced or not knowing something
You move the goalpost every time you reach it
Rest feels easier once everything is handled—which means it rarely happens
There’s nothing wrong with wanting excellence. The question is whether your standards serve you or whether you spend most of your life serving them.
Self-criticism can sound a lot like motivation
You may be very good at getting yourself to perform by being hard on yourself.
You should be doing more.
Why did you say that?
You knew better.
You need to get it together.
That voice may have helped you accomplish things. It may also be brutal to live with. A lot of people worry that if they stop criticizing themselves, they’ll become lazy, complacent, or less successful. I’m not interested in taking away your ambition. I’m interested in whether shame and fear need to be the fuel for it. There is a difference between wanting to do something well and feeling like your worth is constantly on the line.
Why do I put this much pressure on myself?
There usually isn’t one answer. Maybe you grew up in a family where expectations were high. Maybe criticism carried a lot of weight. Maybe you learned early that being responsible, successful, agreeable, or easy made things go more smoothly. Or maybe competence became one of the ways you learned to feel secure. Therapy gives us room to get more specific. What are you afraid will happen if you get something wrong? Whose disappointment is hardest for you to tolerate? When did being hard on yourself start feeling useful? What happens when you don’t know the answer?
For some people, these patterns are closely connected to growing up with criticism, emotional distance, or pressure to take on too much responsibility. If that feels familiar, you may also relate to my Relational Trauma & Childhood Emotional Neglect Therapy page.
What therapy can help change
Therapy for perfectionism, overthinking, and self-criticism can help you:
Notice when problem-solving has turned into rumination
Make decisions without needing complete certainty
Recover from mistakes without tearing yourself apart
Understand where your standards came from
Separate ambition from self-punishment
Trust your own judgment more
Let something be good enough when it actually is
Become less afraid of disappointing people
Rest without immediately finding another problem to solve
Keep your ambition without making yourself miserable in the process
The goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to have more choice about what deserves this much of your attention.
Perfectionism and anxiety therapy in Santa Ana, CA
I offer in-person therapy from my office in Santa Ana, CA and virtual therapy throughout California.
I work with adults dealing with perfectionism, overthinking, self-criticism, anxiety, rumination, fear of mistakes, chronic second-guessing, and the feeling that whatever they do is never quite enough.
My practice is private pay at $225 per session.
If people-pleasing and guilt around boundaries are a bigger part of what you’re dealing with, you may also relate to my People-Pleasing, Boundaries & Self-Trust Therapy page.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can therapy help with perfectionism?
Yes.
Therapy can help you understand what drives your perfectionism, recognize when your standards become rigid or fear-based, and respond differently to mistakes, uncertainty, criticism, and not knowing.
The goal does not have to be lowering your standards. It may be changing what happens when you don’t meet them perfectly.
Why do I overthink everything?
Overthinking can be an attempt to reduce anxiety or uncertainty.
It may help you feel prepared, avoid mistakes, or delay making a decision that feels risky. Therapy can help you understand what your particular thinking loops are trying to accomplish and practice responding without automatically getting pulled into them.
Is perfectionism related to anxiety?
Often, yes.
Anxiety and perfectionism can reinforce each other. If making a mistake feels threatening, trying to do everything perfectly can create a temporary sense of control.
The problem is that the standard for feeling safe can keep getting higher.
Do you offer therapy online?
Yes. I offer in-person therapy in Santa Ana and virtual therapy for adults throughout California.
Ready to Start?
You probably don’t need to think about yourself harder.
If you’re tired of second-guessing, overanalyzing, or feeling like you should always be doing better, we can start there.